insomnia

It's funny how you say stuff cause it feels good, then later, when you have to live by it, it's much harder. I told myself that I was going to prepare instead of plan and just go ass over teakettle and see what happens and I will have plenty of money to leave, somehow, I just have to trust.

And while I still believe these things, in theory, now that it is time to let go and put it into practice, it is much harder. Especially knowing that I did it to myself on purpose because it would be good for me. Now it just gives me insomnia.

Two more weeks until I am done working at the place that has paid my bills for the last eight years. I am so excited and so scared at the same time. I plan to leave to SA in the middle of October so that it's after their high season and closer to the beginning of the year when I cash out my 401K but there is also a part of me that would really like to just say "fuck it" and leave straight away. Just go so that I can be done preparing. I also know that this is the fatal part of patience. When you get tired of being patient and are ready to just throw it in and see what happens. There is a balance. There is a fine line.

I sure do spend more money when I'm not working though. I look forward to getting a little more into a home routine. More groceries and such. Down to the coffee house for some Internet. I look forward to starting the TEFL course, I think that will be a fun thing to do sitting on the porch this summer.

Oh, just a couple months of not having to get up to an alarm. That is all I want. And a week out of town. Even though I have years coming, I want a week right now.