mmmmm.

Tomorrow is my birthday! I am having a book exchange. Help me get more stuff out of my house and give me books to read so that I don't have to spend money to buy them. And get people to come over and visit and maybe play music and have a good day. It's meant to be the only sunny and warm day in two weeks, so that's good timing.

I was so very good about not spending money on things and getting my debt paid off so quickly, and now, with only three thousand to go, i have been so lame! i just ran out of ability to be disciplined, I have got to get that back!

There are still lots of things to be done. Some of it I can be doing and I'm just being lazy about, some of it I can't do yet.

I'm finding it harder and harder to be at work. I was an hour late to work every day this week. And I took a cab three days. That is just ridiculous. I just am so ready to be done. But I have caught myself in this game. I have to be done working soon. But I don't get to be done working until I have paid off my debt completely. Yet I do things like take a cab three days a week because I can't bring myself to get out of bed and go to work because I'm so ready to be done. I am so silly. And I have to knock it off.

I guess I am finding myself in the downfall of waiting so long between deciding and actually leaving. Sometimes I am really excited about it, but more and more often it is feeling like a chore. But even if I decided not to go at all, I would still need to pay off my debt and be done working at this job, so none of that changes. Just do it.

I always feel kind of funny and discontent right around my birthday. I am noticing this pattern in myself. And it's always funny because May 1st weekend is always right after and I have been focused on my birthday and then suddenly it's like three days to May 1st and I am not prepared and I'm out of sorts and it's hard to look forward to this holiday properly.

Whateves. I'm moving to South America. All of this stuff will get done and I will accomplish this goal and it will happen before I know it.