Saturday, September 25, 2010

For better or for worse

Okay,

Well, here I am out of Casa Guatemala. I have mixed feelings about choosing to go but in the end decided that I was too tired of being mad and frustrated to stay. I wont rule out the chance of heading back if some things seem better but that just might be to ease my conscious about walking away and leaving the rest of the volunteers with more work and my whole group of girls with no one to take care of them. They are capable of taking care of themselves, but we all want to feel like somebody cares about where we are and where we´ve been and how our days were.

For better or worse, the decision has been made and I´m at a hostel in Rio Dulce.

There is a huge tropical storm off the coast of Honduras and we are getting rain from that and it is indeed impressive. The worst of it is supposed to come tonight so I´m hoping that the roads don´t wash out and I´ll be able to get out of Rio Dulce. I´m sure I´ll be able to get somewhere as this is a crossroads, I just don´t know where yet. And there wont likely be reports  on the roads by tomorrow morning when I plan to leave so I may end up stuck in a river somewhere. Part of the adventure!

I haven´t decided where to go next even. North toward Tikal? Over to the highlands - Antigua and Lake Atitlan? To the Pacific Coast? Don´t know yet.

Anyway, just thought I´d write and tell what I´d decided. I know that place and those kids will likely haunt me always. I will always wonder if I should have stayed. If I could have found a way to fight through the corruption and the absolute lack of interest in change. If I could have miraculously started to get through to the girls that no one else has been able to. To wonder if I ran away from somewhere I should have stayed. I have to trust that when I was in the middle of it I knew the only solution was to get out of it.

I´ll write again when I find myself somewhere new-
em

3 comments:

  1. Bravo! Go girl, to a place you will be appreciated and loved! You will know it when you find it! I'll be reading...

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  2. For what it's worth,not having walked all those miles in your shoes, I think you made the right decision. The only other choice would have been to stay forever and make that your mission but your mission lies elsewhere. Being the lone rock in a river,no matter how big that rock is, doesn't change the flow of the river. Don't let it haunt you. I mean i can still hear grandpa's voice telling you how you should have been an accountant and should have went to some such other "great" college. remember that? ha ha ha keep on rollin on cousin!

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  3. you guys are great. i am feeling better every day for being away from there. headed to tikal tomorrow but also really looking forward to landing somewhere else and trying again.

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