Tuesday, September 16, 2008
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
I just realized that next year has become next month. Wow. Tickets are bought and everything. I got to spend a brilliant summer unemployed. I spent it mostly in town, as when you are trying not to spend money, it becomes harder to go do stuff. But I stocked the fridge with beer and got people to come to me. I made it out of my apartment and am on to other things now. In Hawaii right now, then back home to do some couch surfing before I go. Plan a going away party that will be in a few weeks only. Haven't planned anything on that at all. huh. it'll work out great. Good thing that one of the things I really know how to do is throw a party. I'll just have it at a park with musicians and food and beer. You don't really need anything else.
In rereading some past blogs, there are a few things to catch up on. I did manage to get completely out of debt and have over $4000 saved up, soon to be at least 5K, probably between there and 6. That's pretty good I think, all things considered. And without cashing out 401Ks to do it.
My friends Geoff and Mark are going to come with me for the first two weeks of Ecuador. We'll travel around, have a great vacation, then I will put them on a plane in Quito and see what happens next from there. Right now I am thinking that I would like to spend a month or two with some host families to really get back in to the language. And see what type of volunteering and working I can do. The possibilities are just endless. I can't wait to see what happens next.
And, I am really looking forward to the time in between. The couch surfing with friends and family will be so fun. I love falling asleep and waking up at other people's houses. Seeing their routines. Better chance for real time.
Next month! 43 days. six weeks.
yabba dabba doo!
I'm proud that it's happening and that I didn't have to go erase this blog because it was all a big joke I was playing on myself.
Kauai
I'm in Hawaii right now and so so so glad to be here. After finally getting rid of all my stuff and getting out of my apartment and getting it all cleaned up, my mind and emotions and heart felt like swiss cheese. So many things that I've been holding onto for so many years, attached to some emotion I was holding onto, just gone. I kept one bin and two small boxes of things, and that is all. It left so many holes. I was on the verge of tears that last night, and on the verge of tears the entire airplane ride, so exhausted - mostly emotionally. But then my plan rode the sunset into Hawaii - darkness behind us, pink and orange clouds under us and the sun setting in front of us, it was so symbolic in so many ways. Now I am here and living with my oldest lady friend and her husband and kids for 10 days. They are super wholesome. I haven't eaten white sugar or wheat or anything not organic in a week. We've been harvesting starfruit and oranges and papayas and coconuts and macadamia nuts out of the yard and going to the farmer's market for such amazing food. We just spent four days up in the mountains in a little cabin with some other folks and everyone was playing music and being so nice to each other, you know? I am so eternally grateful that my swiss cheese holes are filling up here with so much pure food and pure love and pure family. Thanks be to the stars for all my good fortune.
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
good-bye cubicle!
Sometimes I wish I could have everything I've ever wanted all at the same time. It would be nice to be able to have new chapters without giving up all the great things that already exist in your life. CMD is one of the things that will be hard to give up as I move on to the next adventure.
I have learned more here in the last eight years than anyone could expect from a college education. How to manage budgets and schedules, envision projects, manage people, manage perception and manage myself. How to say "I don't know, will you show me?" How to say, "I really think this is the right way and I'm going to fight for it." How to say "I think you're crazy, but I trust you, so we'll do it your way."
How to buy snacks for a party. Exactly how much booze CMDers will drink in a two hour window on a Wednesday. The best way to get a flight attendant to comp you some red wine and how much a room service cheeseburger goes for in Chicago. And that it is totally worth it after a 17 hour day on your feet, running to make sure that no one knows the roof is about to cave in or that perhaps the stage is on fire.
That people will go further out of their way for a friend than they will for a co-worker. That if you really want people to understand what it means to be on a team and pull off the impossible together, make sure that you have lunch together and go out to celebrate birthdays and accomplishments. At the end of projects, especially when they are the really hard ones, go out together and have a meal or a drink and celebrate them. Then, next time, you will perhaps even look forward to working together instead of still mad for some crazy project related reason. The projects aren't real. The relationships created through them are.
People will forget what you said.
People will forget what you did.
But they will never forget how you made them feel.
CMD has helped me to feel smart, talented, capable and supported.
Treat each other well.
See you at Touché in a few hours.
Stay in touch.
Maryjane
I have learned more here in the last eight years than anyone could expect from a college education. How to manage budgets and schedules, envision projects, manage people, manage perception and manage myself. How to say "I don't know, will you show me?" How to say, "I really think this is the right way and I'm going to fight for it." How to say "I think you're crazy, but I trust you, so we'll do it your way."
How to buy snacks for a party. Exactly how much booze CMDers will drink in a two hour window on a Wednesday. The best way to get a flight attendant to comp you some red wine and how much a room service cheeseburger goes for in Chicago. And that it is totally worth it after a 17 hour day on your feet, running to make sure that no one knows the roof is about to cave in or that perhaps the stage is on fire.
That people will go further out of their way for a friend than they will for a co-worker. That if you really want people to understand what it means to be on a team and pull off the impossible together, make sure that you have lunch together and go out to celebrate birthdays and accomplishments. At the end of projects, especially when they are the really hard ones, go out together and have a meal or a drink and celebrate them. Then, next time, you will perhaps even look forward to working together instead of still mad for some crazy project related reason. The projects aren't real. The relationships created through them are.
People will forget what you said.
People will forget what you did.
But they will never forget how you made them feel.
CMD has helped me to feel smart, talented, capable and supported.
Treat each other well.
See you at Touché in a few hours.
Stay in touch.
Maryjane
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
insomnia
It's funny how you say stuff cause it feels good, then later, when you have to live by it, it's much harder. I told myself that I was going to prepare instead of plan and just go ass over teakettle and see what happens and I will have plenty of money to leave, somehow, I just have to trust.
And while I still believe these things, in theory, now that it is time to let go and put it into practice, it is much harder. Especially knowing that I did it to myself on purpose because it would be good for me. Now it just gives me insomnia.
Two more weeks until I am done working at the place that has paid my bills for the last eight years. I am so excited and so scared at the same time. I plan to leave to SA in the middle of October so that it's after their high season and closer to the beginning of the year when I cash out my 401K but there is also a part of me that would really like to just say "fuck it" and leave straight away. Just go so that I can be done preparing. I also know that this is the fatal part of patience. When you get tired of being patient and are ready to just throw it in and see what happens. There is a balance. There is a fine line.
I sure do spend more money when I'm not working though. I look forward to getting a little more into a home routine. More groceries and such. Down to the coffee house for some Internet. I look forward to starting the TEFL course, I think that will be a fun thing to do sitting on the porch this summer.
Oh, just a couple months of not having to get up to an alarm. That is all I want. And a week out of town. Even though I have years coming, I want a week right now.
And while I still believe these things, in theory, now that it is time to let go and put it into practice, it is much harder. Especially knowing that I did it to myself on purpose because it would be good for me. Now it just gives me insomnia.
Two more weeks until I am done working at the place that has paid my bills for the last eight years. I am so excited and so scared at the same time. I plan to leave to SA in the middle of October so that it's after their high season and closer to the beginning of the year when I cash out my 401K but there is also a part of me that would really like to just say "fuck it" and leave straight away. Just go so that I can be done preparing. I also know that this is the fatal part of patience. When you get tired of being patient and are ready to just throw it in and see what happens. There is a balance. There is a fine line.
I sure do spend more money when I'm not working though. I look forward to getting a little more into a home routine. More groceries and such. Down to the coffee house for some Internet. I look forward to starting the TEFL course, I think that will be a fun thing to do sitting on the porch this summer.
Oh, just a couple months of not having to get up to an alarm. That is all I want. And a week out of town. Even though I have years coming, I want a week right now.
Friday, April 25, 2008
mmmmm.
Tomorrow is my birthday! I am having a book exchange. Help me get more stuff out of my house and give me books to read so that I don't have to spend money to buy them. And get people to come over and visit and maybe play music and have a good day. It's meant to be the only sunny and warm day in two weeks, so that's good timing.
I was so very good about not spending money on things and getting my debt paid off so quickly, and now, with only three thousand to go, i have been so lame! i just ran out of ability to be disciplined, I have got to get that back!
There are still lots of things to be done. Some of it I can be doing and I'm just being lazy about, some of it I can't do yet.
I'm finding it harder and harder to be at work. I was an hour late to work every day this week. And I took a cab three days. That is just ridiculous. I just am so ready to be done. But I have caught myself in this game. I have to be done working soon. But I don't get to be done working until I have paid off my debt completely. Yet I do things like take a cab three days a week because I can't bring myself to get out of bed and go to work because I'm so ready to be done. I am so silly. And I have to knock it off.
I guess I am finding myself in the downfall of waiting so long between deciding and actually leaving. Sometimes I am really excited about it, but more and more often it is feeling like a chore. But even if I decided not to go at all, I would still need to pay off my debt and be done working at this job, so none of that changes. Just do it.
I always feel kind of funny and discontent right around my birthday. I am noticing this pattern in myself. And it's always funny because May 1st weekend is always right after and I have been focused on my birthday and then suddenly it's like three days to May 1st and I am not prepared and I'm out of sorts and it's hard to look forward to this holiday properly.
Whateves. I'm moving to South America. All of this stuff will get done and I will accomplish this goal and it will happen before I know it.
I was so very good about not spending money on things and getting my debt paid off so quickly, and now, with only three thousand to go, i have been so lame! i just ran out of ability to be disciplined, I have got to get that back!
There are still lots of things to be done. Some of it I can be doing and I'm just being lazy about, some of it I can't do yet.
I'm finding it harder and harder to be at work. I was an hour late to work every day this week. And I took a cab three days. That is just ridiculous. I just am so ready to be done. But I have caught myself in this game. I have to be done working soon. But I don't get to be done working until I have paid off my debt completely. Yet I do things like take a cab three days a week because I can't bring myself to get out of bed and go to work because I'm so ready to be done. I am so silly. And I have to knock it off.
I guess I am finding myself in the downfall of waiting so long between deciding and actually leaving. Sometimes I am really excited about it, but more and more often it is feeling like a chore. But even if I decided not to go at all, I would still need to pay off my debt and be done working at this job, so none of that changes. Just do it.
I always feel kind of funny and discontent right around my birthday. I am noticing this pattern in myself. And it's always funny because May 1st weekend is always right after and I have been focused on my birthday and then suddenly it's like three days to May 1st and I am not prepared and I'm out of sorts and it's hard to look forward to this holiday properly.
Whateves. I'm moving to South America. All of this stuff will get done and I will accomplish this goal and it will happen before I know it.
Monday, April 14, 2008
What this is really about.
Looking forward to a date with myself.
The opportunity, in a few months to sit down and have a conversation.
self, you are out of debt.
you are free of obligations.
you have enough money in your pocket.
what do you want to do?
I will be able to go anywhere in the world and do anything I want to. Good savings and no debt and a clean slate are enough to at least start a life really anywhere in the world. I could get a start in NYC or France or go to the the Antarctic or move to Montana or drive the AlCan highway or take the train across Siberia, move to an island in the south pacific, any of the hundreds of things I've always wanted to do. African safaris.
Meanwhile, the research focuses on Ecuador and I will be pleased to end up there if I don't decide differently that afternoon sitting in the trees or at the ocean.
Think of what abundance that is.
Talk about a truly privileged life, who gets to do that? Who on the planet gets to have that date with themselves. Such a small percentage. So many people will never ever get that opportunity, and so many who could have it will never choose it.
For the rest of my life I will know that I have experienced true abundance. True privilege. To have gotten to make a conscience decision about what to do with my whole life with every opportunity open to me.
As someone who has always fought tooth and nail against being told I must do something, I guess this will be my best revenge. For at least a moment, not one single person, including myself, will be able to tell me what I must or mustn't do.
That rules.
Also, it's kind of scarey.
The opportunity, in a few months to sit down and have a conversation.
self, you are out of debt.
you are free of obligations.
you have enough money in your pocket.
what do you want to do?
I will be able to go anywhere in the world and do anything I want to. Good savings and no debt and a clean slate are enough to at least start a life really anywhere in the world. I could get a start in NYC or France or go to the the Antarctic or move to Montana or drive the AlCan highway or take the train across Siberia, move to an island in the south pacific, any of the hundreds of things I've always wanted to do. African safaris.
Meanwhile, the research focuses on Ecuador and I will be pleased to end up there if I don't decide differently that afternoon sitting in the trees or at the ocean.
Think of what abundance that is.
Talk about a truly privileged life, who gets to do that? Who on the planet gets to have that date with themselves. Such a small percentage. So many people will never ever get that opportunity, and so many who could have it will never choose it.
For the rest of my life I will know that I have experienced true abundance. True privilege. To have gotten to make a conscience decision about what to do with my whole life with every opportunity open to me.
As someone who has always fought tooth and nail against being told I must do something, I guess this will be my best revenge. For at least a moment, not one single person, including myself, will be able to tell me what I must or mustn't do.
That rules.
Also, it's kind of scarey.
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