Monday, January 26, 2009

acutely aware of the abundance in my life.

So I spent the morning with the kids in the jail. What a thing to wrap your head around. They are the exact opposite of the kids in the school. Distrusting and ornery and heartbreaking. Breakfast was liquidy oatmeal and scraps of bread. They are dirty and have only the clothes they were wearing when they were picked up. Their immediate response to each other is to hit and kick and swear. I saw more hitting in 3 1/2 hours this morning than I have seen in years. They lie, they steal, they cheat. But they also want to be loved on. Eventually, if they come to you. Then they will suddenly get up and walk away and stand by the window or something. Like it´s almost harder to have somebody treat you nicely because you let down your guard and it´s easier to just keep it up.

The goal of the program there is just to give them something to do during the day. If you can figure out a way to teach them something as well, all the better on you, but mostly you are there so that they aren´t just sitting and doing nothing all day.

I am glad that I will be at the school this afternoon just to lift my spirits back up. I have jail and then school all week and I can already tell that it is going to be a very long week.

The truth is that I hated being there. I wished that I didn´t speak Spanish because only people who speak spanish can go to the jail. I wished I could just say "I quit" and leave and I know that I can. But it feels like one of those things in life that is so hard that you really want to walk away from it, but you know that if you do, you will lose so much respect for yourself that you can´t.

I am also curious to see how I feel after some time with it. I just feel kind of shocked this afternoon.

I have been living in my head for a while and was starting to get really tired of it in there and was doing some reading and it said that if you want out of your head, get busy saving the world, that aught to take enough time and effort to last you for a while. Well, this morning did in fact pull me right out of my head. I am grateful for that.


  1. What if the hokey-pokey is really what it's all about?


  2. There has to be a light somewhere. When you find it, it will get easier.

  3. I am sure you are right Michelle, I´m sure I will find the light. The reality is that I more likely will have to create it. Today was easier and I trust that I will eventually hit my stride with it. Thanks for the support.

    SDMF - for some kids it is.